Below was a Flash movie that I had to convert to a .mov file and upload to YouTube in order to play. If anyone has advice on how to get a Flash movie to play on modern browsers please contact me.
Its been over a decade since the initial launch of koolass.com... From a 23 year old hood-rat to a 37 year old recluse, there have been good times and embarrassing times. In the grand scheme of things, considering the Big Bang to planetary formation, the cooling of this planet into multi-cellular organism-friendly atmosphere, the growth of plants on the mantle, primal slime evolving into sea creatures, those sea creatures adapting to land, the land creatures spreading all across the surface of the planet, the megafauna populations roaming the earth and the evolution of land-manipulating humans... this retrospective seems silly, almost meaningless. Just a tiny dot in time represented by a human who draws to pass the time here until she dies, like we all will.
SEPTEMBER 1996
Fall is supposed to begin, but thanks to global warning it's 85 degrees.
Although crap films like Independence Day and Mission Impossible made the most money, Americans still had Fargo and Sling Blade to be proud of.
The Taliban capture Afghanistan and begin to institute strict Islamic law in all controlled areas.
Searching for meaning without the capacity for original thought? Now there's 2 books for you at the grocery check-out: The Celestine Prophecy and Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.
Click here to see the brand spankin' new koolass.com
JUNE 1997
It's the time of year to rejoice for the melted snow and longer days...
People are still going nuts for Austin Powers and are even blindly giving up their own speech patterns for his.
We haven't yet heard Bill Clinton utter the words, "Read my lips: I did not have sexual relations...", but it's coming next month. Until then, we're drooling over every chunk of meat about the sex scandal with Monica Lewinsky the media throws at us.
America is showing initial concern about Y2K compliance, but Congress is still looking for ways to share the blame with someone else (the computer companies).
Click here to see what was happening at koolass.com
DECEMBER 1997
Hanukkah in the city colors the snowbanks charcoal.
Americans look back on 1997 remembering movies like Scream 2, Contact and Howard Stern's Private Parts.
Japanese children are being sent into seizures by animations on their favorite cartoon shows.
Jerry Seinfeld announces this season will be the last for Seinfeld. Chris Farley also calls it quits, dying of a heart attack in Chicago.
Cell phones are just devices to make phone calls.
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JUNE 1998
Summer is just beginning, and city streets become louder with the approach of Independence Day.
Harley Davidson celebrates its 95th anniversary reunion in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
In theaters: The X-Files, The Truman Show and Bulworth.
The Y2K fear is full blown. People begin stocking up on supplies for the eventual disaster and we are all worried about planes dropping from the sky on January 1, 2000. There are very few disbelievers of the inevitable destruction theory.
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MARCH 1999
Irish Americans prepare to get wasted and fight in the streets for St. Patrick's Day.
Couples are preparing to conceive next month for the first millennium baby competition.
Cruel Intentions joins forces with Britney Spears, Monica Lewinsky and the Spice Girls to cement the state of mind for the next generation of women.
Hillary Clinton is currently stewing about her husband's recent public blow-job trial. Meanwhile, it has not been announced yet that she will run for Senator of New York.
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AUGUST 1999
America is sweating under the UV rays of the currently evil sun.
Fashion is showing millennial anxiety with Galliano's runway models sporting hats adorned with dead foxes and pheasants, "demonstrating Dior's customers can simultaneously snare a meal and a fashion statement."
Ricky Martin is the hottest thing around. Playing at the pictures are Mystery Men, Mickey Blue Eyes and Double Jeopardy.
George W. Bush jokes, "When one of my daughters saw how well I was doing in the polls, she told me "Dad, you're not as cool as you think you are."
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NOVEMBER 1999
White Americans are in high spirits/deep shame about Thanksgiving.
All Americans are preparing for the looming Y2K disaster, and therapists are banking on Post-Millenium syndrome.
Parents continue to give in to their children by taking them to see Pokeman the movie. After the movie: they head straight to the local Toys-R-Us to blow their hard-earned cash and their child's already fading imagination skills on Pokeman toys and trading cards.
A jury is picked to hear the trial of Amadou Diallo, testing New York's anti-crime measures.
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APRIL 2000
The air is ripe with April Fools gags and Erin Brockovich.
The overblown Y2K fears prove utterly ridiculous, and now everyone has changed their tune to a smarmy "I knew nothing would happen."
Biotech firms are racing to be the first in decoding our genetic genome.
The post-OJ, Monica and Jean Benet American herds now cling to Cuban cutie Elian Gonzolez.
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OCTOBER 2000
Halloween is here again, and we're plagued by slutty girls (and the dirty-over-40s) dressed as Britney Spears.
Baseball disappoints all but New Yorkers as the first Subway Series in decades falls upon the Mets and the Yankees.
Movie-goers can still see The Filth and the Fury, The Virgin Suicides and Wonder Boys.
The pre-election standoff is at its peak as fanatic supporters of George W. Bush and Al Gore spend their money in honor of their political opinions. Even Ralph Nader fans take to the street in a scramble to Nader-ize undecided minds in a final effort before the 2000 presidential election next month.
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JUNE 2001
The garbage on the street begins what will be a 3-month long scent-ual assault.
The local movie house is sure to include Pearl Harbor, Shrek, and <shudder> A Knights Tale on their marquee. But people are actually more interested in Sex and the City and The Sopranos on HBO.
America is nervous about President Bush's ability to run the country without the help of Vice President Dick Cheney, who goes back on the gurney with a pacemaker implantation likely.
Jack Lemmon and Timothy McVeigh are dead. Joining them soon, if not already, is Chandra Levy. Death is only wishful thinking for Gary Condit, who is still alive.
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JANUARY 2002
Paranoid Americans look at the snow outside and think of anthrax.
Winning in Afghanistan, Bush takes aim at domestic foes: the recession and the Democrats.
We're all still obsessed with 9/11, but the collapse of Enron distracts us.
If Americans could peel themselves from their 24-hour news vigil, they could catch Monster's Ball, Ali or Bridget Jones Diary.
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NOVEMBER 2003
The holiday season brings snow for some, sand for others.
The war in Iraq is still in its early phase, and we still haven't found Saddam Hussein. People are just beginning to lose their patience with Donald Rumsfeld.
Jessica Lynch is dramatically saved, and then dramatically publicized. Michael Jackson is now being charged publicly for child molestation.
Television is shifting slightly from Survivor type reality shows to "extreme makeover" shows - from ugly girls made plastic to poor people's houses done up in plastic.
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JANUARY 2004
It's cold out there! Americans stay in to watch The Apprentice, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Arrested Development.
People are talking about Howard Dean for President in the 2004 presidential election against George W. Bush.
Americans have officially started the descent into complacency by wondering if the threat of terror is worth the long lines at the airport.
Worldwide, people are shocked and saddened by the devastating earthquake in Bam, Iran which killed 40,000 people.
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AUGUST 2005
According to these new "blogs" and "podcasts", it's hot outside.
It's London's turn to be terrorized: Britons are still in shock over the tube and bus bombings last month. Even the police are taken off-guard, shooting and killing an innocent man in the tube weeks after the attack.
Americans have turned back the clock and begin an attempt to legally enforce teachers to teach "Intelligent Design" in the classroom as well as evolution. The funniest part to me is their reasoning: Humans are far too complex to be explained by a theory that doesn't involve God. Do you love it?
Hollywood released The Dukes of Hazzard, Deuce Bigalow European Gigilo and The Forty Year Old Virgin. Luckily there is a movie out there for those who aren't 13 year old boys... Werner Herzog's brilliant Grizzly Man.
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JANUARY 2007
Koolass.com goes an entire year without being updated.
Nancy Pelosi is elected Speaker of the House, becoming the first woman to hold that post.
As the Iraq War nears the end of its 4th year, a senior official said a "surge" of reinforcements numbering about 20,000 troops, maybe more, could be in place within months.
The ladies HAVE IT in the theaters with Dreamgirls, Pan's Labyrinth and The Queen.
Saadam Hussein's brutal end would be accompanied by a set of videos of the hanging on YouTube. And the former dictator's final moments were paired with the screams "Go to hell!" from spectators at the gallows.
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OCTOBER 2007
The Ukrainian parliamentary election was chock full of excitement: a poisoning, mass protests and a winning first lady from Chicago.
California is on fire, oil prices are $90 per barrel for the first time ever, and The US Dollar reaches a new record low against the Euro. On the plus side, Obama is poised to steer the country back in the right direction, and the Boston Red Sox won the pennant!.
The United States begin ratcheting up the rhetoric against Iran developing a nuclear bomb.
In the theaters (or soon to be) are some pretty dark ones - No Country for Old Men, There Will be Blood and Into the Wild.
Now we do everything on our phones from checking email and browsing the internet to listening to music - all thanks to Apple.
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OCTOBER 2009
Barack Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize, and all over the world blowhards proclaim that he is the least deserving of it.
NASA crashes two rockets into the Moon's south pole (to explore the ice that we just realized is there).
Obama announces he will end the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy for the military. It is now being considered that a law that requires you to lie isn't really that good of an idea.
The Dow Jones closes above 10,000 points for the first time in more than a year.
In the theaters: A Serious Man and Where the Wild Things Are. People are watching The Office (the inferior American version), The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and American Idol on the boob tube. Hulu, YouTube and et cetera are making the internet quickly surpass the television as for where people want to be entertained.
Click here to see what was happening at koolass.com